Yes, you read that right. You might've heard of seasonal depression, or post concert depression - both of which are completely valid - and happen to many (I'm looking at you 16-year-old Catherine post 1D concert). But have you heard of post abroad depression? It sounds kinda dumb - which was my first thought, but then I read up on it. They have hundreds of pages and forums on this. Anyone who has traveled abroad probably knows that sad, kinda homesick - but not really for home feeling after getting back from a vacation. It happens. I know it's happened to me whenever I got back from fun vacations - and I knew to expect a little more than usual since I actually lived in Ireland for a year, but being an expat is 100x worse. I read about it a little before I left for Ireland because I had been expecting to be homesick for the States when I got there (don't get me wrong, I did get homesick), but this seemed so much worse than missing a Target or Walmart. This was genuine heartache for a place that I made a home. And even four months later, it still feels as fresh as the day I left. So here are 5 things I've learned since.
1.) It's like a tattoo - after you've done it once, you want to keep doing it. The one thing that keeps me going is knowing I can go back for a visit - even if the budgeting is making me want to tear my hair out.
2.) Hearing an Irish accent can either make or break my day. Someone from Cork came into my job the other day and I felt my whole attitude shift - immediately I engaged them in conversation and felt happier than I had been in a while. Then the crash came an hour later and the crushing realization that it'd be at least a year until I could visit again hit me like a freight train.
3.) Like hearing the accent, looking at photos/memories can either make me feel better or worse, depending on the day. Sometimes I'll spend hours reading through my old blog posts and looking at photos, and other days I can't even look at a photo of my time in Ireland, without being disappointed I'm not there. But then I think to myself, that I got to really experience life - and life abroad, which is something not many can say. So I consider myself lucky and hold my memories close.
4.) You can't help but compare everything. I was guilty of doing it when I first got to Ireland (I literally got a minor in Anthropology and I was guilty of ethnocentrism - my professors would be so disappointed.) And I definitely did it once I got back to the States. I also came back at the worst time because there were so many mass shootings going on, I just woke up angry at the news and kept thinking "this wouldn't happen in Ireland," and while that's partly true, it's taken me a while to stop doing it.
5.) And finally, I've realized I'd do it all over again. I'd take every bad day - all the moments of defeat, heartbreak, and hopelessness because I learned so much, and I can't wait to do it again.
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